“BOWIE AWARDS” IN HOUSTON, TEXAS. THE THIN WHITE DUKE GETS THE BIG MEDAL.
Just a little bit of what happenned in the last “Bowie Awards Ceremony”.
Tom Arnold: Welcome everyone, this is the first (and maybe the last) Bowie Awards Ceremony in Houston, Texas. Working along many journalists and music experts (not me, certainly), we are here to celebrate the many personas that our dear David Robert Jones had, has and will have. Lady, please...
Kim Kardashian: “I made my dad angry” Award.
TA: This one goes to... Ziggy Stardust!. Born in 1973, he pledged to be someone from outter space, his hair was red, used lipstick and wore shiny clothes on stage. A real proud for any middle-class dad. A good topic for Bowie´s dad to chat with his mates working in the factory or later at the bar. “Hey, Joe. Is your kid still dressing like a drag queen?. Ziggy was really influenced by Lou Reed´s band. Yeah, he was really fond of using “Velvet underpants”.
TA: Thank you, my friends. Let´s keep on, shall we?
KK: The next one is sponsored by Mirtazapine. It´s the “Where´s my gun when I need it” Award!
TA: Ouch! Someone got a little depressive round here! This goes to.. Major Tom! A guy who believes to be a “british astronaut”. Tell me a better oxymoron than that!
(Standing ovation. Audience fire shotguns several times).
TA: My loyal audience! I love you! Thanks for all the love you show me. Though, It would have been better to give a hug to our Major Tom. He´s still orbitating round the globe, I think. I picture him punching all the space station walls, screaming “We´re is my Tivo?” God, I love this ceremony! Next one, please.
KK: Okey, Tom. This is the “Fashion emergency” Award!
TA: And the winner is.. Aladdin Sane! Yeah, great nickname, yo know? It´s A-LAD-INSANE. Of course! He was a total nutcase, not precisely because of his troubled mind. Did you see his totally unexplainable look? He had a haircut like Miranda from “Sex and The City”, wore clothes from Sesame Street characters and draw himself a stain in the face like the one Gorvachov has! My god! Aladdin would have been a great contestant for “Queer eye for the straight guy”. Do you picture it? “Well, Aladdin.. Before we start with your wardrobe, you should get a REAL NAME”!
(Standing ovation. Audience fire shotguns several times. Again.)
TA: Ok, dear fellas. We are close to the end of this lovely ceremony. We have one more award left. This one is the superb prize of all. This is...
KK: “Best Bowie Persona” Award!
TA: Yes, Kim! And the lucky bastard to receive the loudest clapping in the room is... The Thin White Duke! A lovely dude. Why? Listen: THIN and WHITE. Besides, he wore marvellous light-colours toxedos, smoked liked hell and, what´s more... He loved nightlife! Yes! No depressed or psychotic men, this guy really knew what he wanted: Cabarets! He also started to make that great rubber-soul tunes. God save the Thin White Duke! That´s all from us, Houston... But, what happenned? Did you fall asleep? I can´t hear your shotguns!
(Thousands of guns shot into the air)
TA: Yes! There you are! See all of you next year with the “Chris Martin Awards”! It´ll be short, just one medal to give in the hole ceremony: “Boring guy Award”. Love you, Texas!